Patricia Massari - 9/11 Redo

Beep. Beep. Beep. I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock echoing throughout my bedroom Tuesday morning. I’d only gotten four hours of sleep after spending a long night studying. College was kicking my butt, but I kept telling myself it’d be worth it in the end. At the end of the bed stood my wonderful husband Louis; he had busied himself with ironing my clothes, making sure they were perfect. “Good morning,” I smiled and rose from the bed, grabbing my purse off the floor. Heart racing and stomach fluttering, I crossed into the bathroom and locked myself inside. I had a pregnancy test to take.

I made my way to the toilet and ran through the procedure, body trembling the entire time. I was late – weeks late. It’s not like it had happened on purpose; we hadn’t planned this. We hadn’t tried to make it happen. It was entirely unexpected. On one hand, I wanted nothing more than to be a mother. I knew I was going to become one sooner or later… but Louis and I had decided on later. Excitement and nervousness coursed through my body, turning me into a jumbled up mess.

The test was laid upon the sink as I waited for the news that could possibly change my life forever. Glancing down, my eyes locked on my stomach, wondering for a fleeting moment what I would look like with a tiny baby bump. What if there was a baby inside of me? What if it was in there, growing, just waiting to make its big arrival? If I was pregnant, what if something happened to the baby? I was still in college! I had a job, and school, and a husband to juggle all at once. Wouldn’t adding a baby to the mix throw everything off? I was only twenty five and had only been married for two years. It was too soon, wasn’t it? Minutes passed before I found the nerve to pick up the test and look at the tiny window, but somehow I did. The little pink plus sign made my breath catch in my throat, my eyes widening in shock. “Oh my-“ I couldn’t even finish the sentence. I was pregnant.

My thoughts swirled around my mind and I sat there, dazed and shocked that this was even happening. Tears pooled in my eyes and I tried so hard to hold them back but it was no use. Crying was inevitable at this point. I was pregnant. I was going to be a mother. Would I be a good mother? Was this for real? I had no answers. With no reason to wipe my tears away, I walked back to where Louis was. “Louis…” I choked on my own words, trying several times to just force out what I so desperately needed to tell him. “I-I’m… we’re… having a baby.” Silence. My words hung in the air, a surprise for the both of us. “What are we going to do?” Realization set in and the look on Louis’s face was priceless. It suddenly clicked and he knew he was going to be a father.

“Trish, don’t worry. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” Louis sounded so sure of everything he was saying, and that comforted me. Even in times of crisis, Louis was my strength; he was my comforter that always knew how to make everything better. He dabbed at my tears, wiping the streaks off my face and kissing along the place where they had just been. “I want this baby. More than anything. This is ours, and I love it already. Even though you’re freaking out, I know you love it already, too.” His tone had transformed from one of shock to pure excitement. “I-I know. It’s just so much to take in at once,” I mumbled with an exasperated sigh.

Louis nodded his head in agreement. “It is a lot to take in… and we didn’t plan this. I know we were waiting, Trish. I know we had this all figured out, but sometimes things just happen. This is happening. This is real.” He was straight to the point with his words and I let them sink into my mind. Though we weren’t one hundred percent certain that this was really happening, I was certain that I had reason to believe I was pregnant. My emotions over the past couple of days suddenly seemed to make sense. The only logical explanation would be the obvious one – I was pregnant. “We don’t know for sure…” I mumbled, not even able to convince myself of that fact anymore. “Then get another test. Stop on your way to work.” So I agreed to do just that.

“Now I’m going to be late for work if I don’t get dressed,” I changed the subject quickly. Louis handed me the clothes off of the ironing board and chuckled. “I made them perfect for you. Now, go get dressed.”

I walked back into the bathroom and changed from my pajamas into the outfit Louis had picked out for me. The smell of waffles drifted into the room and my mouth began to water. Smiling now, I walked toward the kitchen, slipping my shoes on and grabbing my purse on the way. “I’m making you a quick breakfast,” Louis grinned, taking the waffles from the toaster and dousing them in syrup. He handed me a fork and slid the plate toward me. “Eat up, my dear.”

Twenty minutes later I was back on my feet and rushing toward the front door. “I’ll pick up another test on the way to work. I just want to make sure. I’ll call you once I take it.” Louis kissed me goodbye and I began my walk down the streets toward work.

A couple blocks down I walked into a store and picked up another test, my thoughts rushing through my mind. Was I really going to be a mother? The thought both terrified and excited me. Would I be a good mother? Would I know what to do? Would my baby grow up happy and healthy? Would our lives change forever?

My mind was a mess by the time I made it to the North Tower of the World Trade Center and walked inside. The elevator ride to the ninety-eighth floor was long and I let my thoughts continue to rush through my head. Of course I’d love the baby, if I really was pregnant, but was I ready for something like that? Was I ready to be responsible for another life? Anticipation made me nervous as the elevator slowed to a stop and I stepped onto my floor.

Marsh & McLennan had become my home away from home. I had been working as a capital analyst at the firm for a while and I absolutely loved my job. Waving at some of my coworkers, I made my way to the employee restroom. My hands trembled as I reached inside my bag and pulled out the pregnancy test. This was it. This was what would let me know if I was really going to be a mother.

I walked into a stall and hung my bag on the back of the door before opening the box and going through the test procedure for the second time that day. Now if I could just wait five minutes…

Those five minutes were the longest five minutes of my life. Fingers still shaking, I picked up the test and glanced down at the little window. A little pink plus sign glared up at me, but this time I didn’t cry. The immediate swell of emotions didn’t show up this time. This was real, and that both excited and terrified me beyond any describable extent. I had so many things to do. I would have to find a doctor and get everything checked out. I would have to tell my family… when would I tell my family? How long was I supposed to wait? My first real order of business, though, was to call my husband and let him know that this was all happening.  

Walking back out of the restroom, I went over to my desk. According to the clock on the wall it was 8:42 a.m. Perfect! Louis would still be at home. Smiling to myself, I dialed the home phone number. As soon as I heard him answer, I began to gush about the good news.

“I’m pregnant! We’re pregnant! We’re having a baby!” There was no denying my happiness in that moment.

“We’re pregnant? You’re positive?!”

“Yes! I just took the second test. It’s positive.” I nearly squealed, grinning ear to ear.

“Oh, Trish, we’re going to be so happy. Such a happy little family,” Louis replied.

“I know we will be,” I said, but my train of thought was cut short.

It was 8:46 a.m. Something in the background caught my attention. It was a sound that did not belong.

Something told me to look toward the window.  My heart was pounding, frantically trying to beat out of my chest.

One of my hands went to my stomach to lay there, protectively. The sound of an engine humming echoed in the distance. It was moving closer. “Oh… My… God-” The line went dead. It was in that exact second that the entire building trembled from the impact of the plane hitting.

The building shuddered once again – it felt like the entire thing was going to fall in, or maybe that was just the floor beneath me giving in. My hand dropped instinctively to my stomach as the floor caved in beneath me, never moving the whole way down.